I’m not sure how so much time has passed since I was here last, in this little corner of the internet. Lots has happened yet sadly nothing has changed.
Our due date came and went. Our second cycle of ivf started in October and ended abruptly three weeks later with the words ‘poor response’, ‘abandoned cycle’ and the question we have been asked many, many times since walking the path of assisted reproduction: ‘have you thought about using donor eggs?’.
All of these things I feel ready to write about now and will tackle in separate posts, to document every part of this journey in the hope it might help someone going through similar difficulties. I don’t want this blog to be all doom, gloom and sorrow, but with a second BFP being unlikely (read impossible) any time soon it’s hard to see what direction I can take it in so I’ve been avoiding it. Now, I’m ready to go back over it and see if I can find the lessons in what has gone. Because there must be something to learn, right? I refuse to think this has all been for nothing.
So, here’s to the shit bits, because really, they are the bits that you surprise yourself by getting through. It’s kind of nice to be on the other side of those shit bits, for now at least. I’m still standing, mug of tea in hand, looking back and feeling happy that I made it without losing too much of myself. I survived the bits which feel like they were a waste of time and energy and money. The bits which took everything I had to get up and keep going. The bits which made me question myself as a woman, as a future mother. The bits that made me feel isolated and yet somehow made me want to isolate myself even further. All those shit bits, and many more.
That is all I wanted to say really in this little post, that I’m trying to find a way back to documenting this journey here now that the shit bits have let me up for air. And hello and thank you to all of you that still click over to see what’s going on here, I’m sorry there hasn’t been anything new to read until now.